Talking To Women — The Traffic Court Incident
I’ve been single for a while and in this era of singledom, I’ve had many growing experiences and regrets that have helped me see what I want to improve on. One area is talking to women, particularly women that I’m attracted to. Here’s one such incident.
It was years ago on a rainy February Friday morning in San Francisco. I’m sitting in traffic court with a group of strangers. It had been a year since my last relationship and my heart was still a little raw from the experience. To be honest, at that stage of my life, I was searching for someone to help me with my healing. I looked for almost any social opportunity, even traffic court, as a way to maybe meet a romantic partner. I’m a hopeless romantic in this sense. When I was younger, whenever I did long bike rides exploring my hometown or visiting the various shops, a sentimental thought would fill my head, “I might fall in love today.”
Someone rushed in through the traffic court doors, breaking me from my reverie. She was late and looked flustered as she entered our room. She wore slim fitting jeans and a stylish jacket with a Chinese character on the back. She was pretty and just at first glance at her style and the way she seemed embarrassed that she was late…I found it attractive. She walked nearby and sat one row in front of me. I couldn’t help but glance at her multiple times as the officer went over the proceedings of the court and how we would present our case. After the officer finished, there were a few quiet moments when we were waiting. During this time I was devising diagrams and ways to say hi to the attractive woman in my head.
“All rise.”
We got up to stand in line and I saw her get up in front of me. I was about to stand behind her, but I let another woman go ahead of me. I was sabotaging myself.
“Dammit, now I can’t talk to her.”
The attractive woman then turned around and faced me and the woman that I let go ahead of me.
I look in anticipation of her speaking to me but she instead she asked the woman I let go in front of me a question about traffic court. She then looked at me and I freeze. I had only got a glimpse of her, but from this angle I could look into her eyes and her attractiveness made me incredibly shy. She gave me a questioning look, as if she still needed help with her question, but I stood there, unsure what I would say, worrying about how not to be weird, but coming off as incredibly weird.
Then the traffic court officer called her to go to the front where they went over her options: 1. Traffic school (was not an option for her), 2. Reduced fine, 3. Go to court. I could tell that she was a bit confused and I felt maybe I should step in and help, from her accent I picked up that English was probably not her first language. But I withheld myself, I didn’t want to seem overeager, I didn’t want to be “that weird guy” butting into things.
In hindsight, it would’ve been better if I had viewed it as just helping someone out and not have carry all this baggage of if I would come off as strange to a potential love interest. Luckily she picked the best option (reduced fine) and I watched her leave without ever saying a word to her. That was the last time I saw her.
From this experience, I’ve learned how the mind can create so many obstacles to such a simple action as saying hi. Overthinking and perfectionism is the bane of my existence and something I continually work on. By trying so hard not to come off as weird, I do come off as weird and cold, which some women have told me in the past. When talking to women that I find attractive, I carry with me this intense neediness for her validation. However, if I can carry a different mindset, one of just getting to know her and to see if there’s compatiblity, that carries less weight and is a mindset I try to practice now.
Anyways, from time to time I think about that woman I saw in traffic court on that rainy February morning. I wonder if her driving has improved since then.
